Not all conversations are equal
Every day at work, you will have a significant number of conversations. But if I asked you how many really critical conversations you have each day, each week, each month, each year, what would your answer be?
For the partners in one global law firm, the answer was 100 each year. David Morley was Senior Partner of Allen and Overy at the time. He had decided to make coaching a key part of the firm’s leadership culture, and began by talking with his colleagues about the importance of high-value conversations. His pitch was this: ‘As a senior leader, you have roughly 100 conversations a year that are of particularly high value—in the sense that they will change your life or the life of the person you’re talking to. We want to help you acquire the skills to maximize value in those 100 conversations, to unlock previously hidden issues, to uncover new options, and to reveal fresh insights.’ That resonated.
Whilst this was specifically about developing an ability to hold high-quality coaching conversations, the figure stayed in my mind when I first read about this. And it got me thinking - how many critical conversations do I have each year from a work point of view? Arguably in my coaching practice every conversation is significant. Even within that however, I know in advance of some coaching sessions that it’s likely to be a particularly critical one, which I think about, and approach, with more even more diligence and care than usual.
For most people at work, the focus will be slightly different. But there will definitely be some conversations that you know are going to be more critical than others. Perhaps it’s a key negotiation interaction. Or a key stakeholder meeting. A first conversation with a potential new partner. Or an attempt to motivate a team member to achieve a particular goal.
What then are the factors that can help ensure you get the best out of these critical conversations? What are the simple principles that apply across the board?
Consider the Why. Why is this conversation a critical one? What is it specifically that makes it that important?
Linked to this - what is it that you want to achieve in this conversation? What does good look like in terms of outcome?
What approach is going to give you the best chance of achieving this?
What are the key questions you should be asking?
Is now the right time to be having this conversation?
What might the other person’s expectations be?
What’s the best way to start the conversation? (And bear in mind that it’s often very helpful to start by assessing what mood/state the other person is in - too many people rush straight in, without ascertaining this. By bothering to ask how someone is, I might discover that they have had a really stressful morning, not helped by the fact that one of their kids is ill, and their train was delayed on the way to work. Finding this out, knowing this, will help massively in my ability to ensure the conversation goes in the best way possible.)
How am I going to know if the conversation has achieved what I wanted it to? What are my measures for this? (NB: Dave Alred, performance coach to many in the elite athlete space, has a brilliant mantra round this - the meaning of the message is in the response you get.)
And finally, make time to review and reflect after each critical conversation. Did it go well? If so, why? And if I had the chance to have the conversation again, what might I do differently?
Like so many bits of ‘insight’ around work, most of this is common sense. Again though, common sense isn’t always common practice. And when it comes to critical conversations, the attempt to be a bit more effortful, to think through and plan, can significantly improve your chances of ensuring good outcomes.
For more on this or any aspect of leadership, with a healthy dose of mindset, sport, and I hope usefulness thrown in, do feel free to browse through all the articles in the Huddle, or get in touch with me directly on catherine@sportandbeyond.co.uk. And for the David Morley story, see this Article in HBR https://hbr.org/2019/11/the-leader-as-coach